Now, I don't normally share something like this, something that's this personal. But I want to show this beautiful cat to the world, and express the effect she had on mine, and my family's lives. I see this as a place where her memory can be kept alive.
It was the 19th November 2015 when I truly lost someone close to my heart. She really was a part of our family, for ten whole years.
We rescued her on Bonfire Night, she was frail and starving and abused. We took her in, nursed her back to health and from that moment on, she was our Crystal. Funnily enough, she only recently figured out how to actually 'miaow', she just kinda made this noise like 'reeet' (the 't' was very soft).
She really was such a beautiful cat, black and white coat, green eyes and her nose was always pink. She was so loving and would butt her head against anyone she wanted petting from. She kind of became a mother to our younger cats, she would watch them eat as if she was protecting them from someone. She took a real liking to my dad for the majority of her life, she would contently sit on his lap, waiting to be petted. Of course, we couldn't resist.
For the past 5 or 6 months we knew there was something wrong with her, she became very frail, but had quite a round belly. She would vomit every day, then went back for more food. At first we thought she was just eating too much too fast, so we reduced the amount of food she could eat. Unfortunately it didn't really make a change. Everything we tried didn't work.
So on that Thursday we took her to the vets, hoping they'd have a solution and that she would just get better. The vet found a lump under her right front leg, and her intestines and stomach seemed swollen. She was spayed when she was a kitten so there was no way she could have been pregnant. The vet came up with multiple scenarios, it could have been cancer, or something to do with her bladder, or multiple other things. All I know, is throwing up every day for 6 months can't have been easy for her.
We were offered scans and tests to be performed on her, but at almost £100 per scan/test, we just couldn't afford it. It's terrible when a scenario like this is factored so heavily on how much money we have, or in this case, didn't have. We had two ultimatums, bring her home and hope for change. She would still be ill, we wouldn't know what was wrong with her and we wouldn't be able to make her better. Or... We could do the humane thing. Let her fall asleep and never wake up.
It was the toughest thing i've ever had to sit through, naturally as she was my dad's cat, he made the decision and I admire him for being strong enough to choose to let her go. In the end, she was a part of our family (she always will be), and it just wouldn't be fair to leave her in pain just for our benefit. So we chose to let her sleep.
The vet was a lovely woman and gave Crystal a cannula, to make administering it easier. She had a syringe of blue liquid, it seemed harmless and for a moment I forgot that we were saying goodbye to her. Thankfully, she was forever sleeping in a matter of seconds, which meant it was painless and extremely humane, but it seemed over too quick. I stroked her, she still felt warm, like she always had, but she wasn't breathing.
Our Crystal fell asleep at 17:37. She seemed so peaceful.
This is single-handedly the most difficult thing I have ever had to deal with. I'm struggling to cope with the fact that she is actually gone, and I can't help but think if there was anything else I could have done, even though I know there wasn't. It's difficult to accept that we made the right decision, and I miss her so much, but time is a healer.
I know that for some people, a pet is only a pet, but to me, they are family. As for the title of this post, I'm trying to cope, she was such an important part of our lives. It helps to know that as we rescued her as a kitten, she lived a much better life than if we hadn't.
I hope that this somehow helps anyone grieving, I'm not sure how it will, but for some people it helps just knowing that there are people out there experiencing the same kind of pain.
I apologise for this being such a long post, but I really needed to get what I felt down into words, and I want the world to know what a wonderful cat she was, and she doesn't deserve to be sleeping at only 11 years old.
If you have lost a family member or a pet, feel free to let me know how you were able to deal with their passing.
Until next time xx
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